Turn your frustration into influence with this simple framework
The late afternoon email was short and clear: starting next month, the organization would switch to a new project management software.
Karl stared at his screen in disbelief. He can see the problem immediately, but knows leadership doesn’t. While the new system promises better collaboration, Karl knows his team is already overwhelmed with three major client deliverables due this month.
In theory, the new software program would offer benefits. In practice, it created several more problems. The transition will require training, data migration, and likely cause delays that could jeopardize client relationships.
Karl’s challenge: how to tell his executive team that their timing won’t work when they’d already announced it to the organization.
Karl’s situation is fictional but not far-fetched. Those of us who have been in the workforce for more than a year or two have accumulated similar stories:
• Decisions made without consulting all the relevant stakeholders.
• Trade-offs that left your team with a mess to clean up.
• Good-intentioned but misguided ideas.
• Difficult choices that didn’t go your way.
Feedback that needs to be shared, that the executive team won’t really want to hear.
Raising our concerns is essential—necessary for improving plans, minimizing risks, and ensuring the final decision has the impact you want. But how do you say "I have concerns!" without sounding defensive, obstructionist, or needlessly negative?
Your two-item checklist for giving constructive feedback
When you’re in Karl’s position, how you raise your concerns will determine if your message gets heard or ignored. Before you speak up, take your feedback through this two-item checklist to ensure the message has the impact you want.
1. Shift your language from judgment to specificity.
2. Shift your language from blame to problem-solving.
"Leadership’s announcement was totally unconsidered," might be what Karl is thinking. But that’s judging and blaming. The executive team will hear Karl’s complaints and write them off as an insult that can be ignored.
Instead, Karl can be more specific about his concerns, and raise his concerns with a problem solving step attached. "We’re in a crucial timeframe for three projects with major clients, and I’m concerned we can’t make the software transition without disrupting service. (specific concern) Would it be possible to wrap up these projects in the old system while onboarding new projects in the new system?" (problem solving)
Here's how this plays out in practice. Imagine your company announces a mandatory return-to-office policy starting immediately. Instead of saying "This is ridiculous—people will quit!" (judgment and blame), you could say: "I'm concerned about retention risk, especially for our remote hires who relocated during the pandemic. Could we phase this in over 90 days and survey the team about their specific challenges?" (specific concern + problem-solving approach).
Here are more examples of what it sounds like to be stuck in judge and blame mode versus taking a more constructive approach:
| Instead of this judge and blame language | Try this specific and problem solving language |
| "This won’t work." | "What would need to be true for this to work?" |
| "No one asked us." | "Can we clarify how input will be gathered?" |
| "This is a mess." | "Here are two specific breakdown points I’m seeing." |
| "They don’t get it." | "Can I share what this looks like on the ground?" |
| "This is too much." | "What can we pause or sequence differently?" |
Don’t stay stuck
When we don’t like a decision made by others, our tendency is to complain in broad terms. But the broadness of our complaints disguises the root of our concerns, making them easy to dismiss. This makes us feel even more like the victim—"I’m being ignored!"—and doesn’t help us affect change.
By instead raising specific concerns and offering steps toward solutions, we demonstrate our leadership more clearly and help the organization progress toward better decision-making.
Next time you feel that familiar frustration rising, pause and ask yourself: "What specific concern can I raise, and what solution can I suggest?" Your feedback will be heard more clearly.
Amber Johnson, PhD
Senior Culture & Strategy Advisor
As a facilitator and consultant, Amber helps companies connect their purpose to their core strategies and behaviors in order to shape culture and drive business results. Amber has global leadership experience with World Vision and the US Peace Corps and has served as a leadership development, organization change, and strategy consultant to organizations, including digital marketing agencies, software firms, universities, health care systems, global manufacturing and consulting companies, utilities, and non-profit organizations.
Amber is certified in the Appreciative Inquiry methodology and has 20 years of experience helping organizations drive change and strategy through human-centered design. Amber previously served as the Chief Communications Officer for Benedictine University’s Center for Values-Driven Leadership, where she oversaw thought leadership, including publishing four eBooks. She is a TEDx speaker, a former contributor at Forbes.com, and the author of the Substack Better Than Fine, where she writes about communication and leadership.
Amber earned a Ph.D. in Values-Driven Leadership from Benedictine University, with a dissertation focused on the success factors of leading global change initiatives. She holds an undergrad and graduate degree in communication studies.
In her free time, Amber volunteers in her community and travels with her family.